THE SADNESS THAT BESETS HIM…

Sometime this year, a friend of mine to whom I dedicated my 2 postings here in my blog is publishing a book he titled The Sad Man. I did not stop to think why he chose that title as I am certain that those 3 words completely describes the totality of his life as I knew him.

He gave me the honor of writing a part of his book’s prologue, which took me a month to finish and finally, I am done. I did it in the middle of incessant sleepless days (I work at night), a kind of transgression in my normal nocturnal life.

Everything I will do for a friend.
How much can I write to conjure away the sadness that besets him?
This sadness in his heart brought by the forgotten dreams of other people…

I told him I am excited to tell the world the things I have written in my mind all these years about him. How I came to know one distinct friend - the hurting and wonderful things he was, his journeys that I missed, his life I could no longer embrace and his friendship coexisting with my life wherever it treads. It requires a great deal of passion to be able to keep up with something you do not see because of time and distance but because of faith, you become oblivious to the magic of believing. This I learned from him to the core.

I just need to find my heart to feel that magic. I’ll write to reciprocate my passion and will give him back the inspiration he surrounds my life with from the time when life was so simple. And it matters most that our friendship is each other’s strength.

Thank you, Ronald. Everytime I lose my faith, I feel your soul in my heart telling me in whispers to believe. I guess that stays until we grow old.

P.S. ..
And you know what? I came across Sting’s old song "Shape of My Heart" which was used in Jean Reno’s 1994 movie "Leon- The Professional." Read through the lines, I dedicate this to your soul:

SHAPE OF MY HEART

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn’t play for the money he wins
He doesn’t play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance.

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that’s not the shape of my heart.

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades.

And if I told you that I loved you
You’d maybe think there’s something wrong
I’m not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost.

I posted the prose titled TO BEGIN AGAIN created by my friend Jon which he first posted in my blogspot site in April.

Jon is  a trainor, a former teacher and a freelance writer. I would say that from the 1st day I heard him speak, Jon never ceases to amaze me. He is a brilliant writer and an articulate speaker. For 2 years, he was the Features Editor of The Philippine Collegian and these things won’t give anybody a reason to contemplate my credibility.

TO BEGIN AGAIN.

It is strange that I reserve my most intimate self in foreign spaces. I write in the pages of anothers’ journal, and use another name in place of my own. Were I younger, I would probably call this cowardice. But now, as I sit by the comfort of books and the relative safety of adulthood, I realize that this is just another part of how I have come to live my life.

There was a time when I dwelled in the land of make believe. I had imaginary friends, did play pretend, and conjured fantasies for myself almost daily. As you grow older people tell you to do away with these things, and live in the "real world" of dollars, cents and exchange rate. There always seems to be another bill to pay, another errand to run or one more obligation to fulfill. Small wonder then that we retreat to our fantasies. They shelter us from a reality that can, at times, seem awfully cruel and uncaring.

Of course this doesn’t mean that I condone meaningless forays into Wonderland. I mean, there’s a difference between using fantasy to keep your sanity and losing it altogether. It’s just that maybe I’ve come to rely on play- pretend to fuel my desire to keep on living, to dream better dreams for myself and those I deem important and to keep the nightmares at bay.

The new year has been a good one thus far. Apart from the occasional routine at work, things have settled in quite nicely. Truth be told, I’m really looking forward to teaching a class. It’s not just the thrill of "imparting knowledge" or "teaching other people new things." I look forward to learning. I learn from my mistakes, the errors of my peers, and the wisdom of the people placed under my care. I only hope that this enthusiasm doesn’t diminish as the year passes. Life has a nasty habit of wearing you down if you don’t watch yourself. Hmmm. maybe it’s time I let the inner child out to play?

-The Lord Of Cats posted in www.bittersweetcharisse.blogspot.com 04.06.2005