After a long, stormy day, I saw the rainbow from my window at 5:45 in the afternoon.
Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream.When you wanted
to pursue happines at an arm’s length, it veers from you like the
strong, drifting wind initiating the grand chase of your lifetime and
it leaves you gasping for breath, unable to win the race. Where has it
gone?
I’ve had a motley of chances with time trying to chase that drifting
wind. Two chances at life. And in between, I had asked God if I am
still worthy to live a life that’s far too different from the one I
used to live. It seems to me that as I grew older, I had lost the
spirituality of my youth, when I’d spend long hours inside the church
to commune with HIM… I miss that phase. When life was as plain as
white, devoid of complexities: rearing my little daughters, bringing
them to school, doing homeworks with them, waitng for my husband to
come home, praying in bed, waking up thanking the Lord for a beautiful
day. All domesticated pleasures.
These are the things that can pierce me with longing when I am displaced from them by time’s whim.
Our dreams took them away.
And day after day is heartbreak each time they cross my mind. If I
have the chance to maneuver the hands of time back to relive those
simple pleasures, I’d grab it with my life. Shield my family from every
storm that comes to make sure no one will leave… I crossed paths with
those storms many times over. I am still here, out of it, not the same
person I was when I walked in. And after the storm, It’s still the 3 of
us: myself and my daughters by my side. I’ve alaways prayed to God
that, as they grow old, may they remember and carry with them mommy’s
love. I know they will… And I wouldn’t care anymore if the rest of
the world forgets.
I write this for Wam and Roxeanne. They are my witness to all the
storms I surpassed. I may have done my own mistakes but I know that no
matter what, they will always choose the same mother over and over
again without a fail.
I do not know if I could still picture the
sun.Perhaps I will keep on running after that strong, drifting wind.
And if I catch it, I will never ever let it slip through my hands
again..
I keep on waking up every morning to realise the truth — that God is still good.